Meditation Retreat 2009 (Part III)

Apology for the late posting of the last part of my meditation retreat sharing as I'm... well...back to my hectic daily schedule=( haha. Luckily the force has not totally diminished=)

Ok, let's continue. The main objective of the retreat is to cultivate the heart and the mind. The mind is an unfathomable and untamed creature but yet, when cultivated, its immerse potential and power can be unleashed. We have heard and seen so many such examples in real life. During the course of my retreat, I've observed how it changed from being wild, emotional and full of mundane defilements to being more subdued and opened. I wrote clearly in my diary (my friend gave me a diary for me prior to the retreat for me to write down each day's events and feelings and it has proved to be an enormous useful gift! Even the sharing abt my retreat is possible cos I can refer back to the diary. I really thank her from the bottom of my heart=)that on one day I was frustrated that I was not able to pen down all the events, feelings and thinkings (4 pages) but in my entry for the next day, I don't feel like writing (less than 1 page). I also observed that my "mood" for meditation changed from very keen to very sian & dull etc. In fact, our mind can change much faster.

We should not be led by the nose by our feelings and defilements as they are impermanent. They are only existent at that moment. But usually we identify with them so much such that we think they are us then and thus the vicious unhappy cycle carries on. Just observe them, be mindful of them and follow the normal schedule that one has decided for oneself. Contemplation is important to understand why it happens too for us to increase in our wisdom.

Let's move on to some light-hearted issues for now. When I arrived at the monastery, there were 2 "adorable" kids there. Abt the age of 8 I believe. They are brothers. I put adorable with open and close inverted commons cos after a while, they are not so "adorable" after all haha. I guess the main thing is as all the people in the monastery is very nice, we'd forgive them easily, including myself initially but after a while, I think this may not be the best way for them to improve. For example, they would not clean up thoroughly after their meals and then ants would gather. I was quite strict with them subsequently and I think the younger brother was not too pleased haha. They also like to disturb an old dog called "Ah-O", apparently cos it is black. The dog is ABSOLUTELY without a temper! The kids would disturb it and try to drag it to other places when it is resting. Still it is as tame and good-natured as ever?!! There are also lotsa squirrels in the monastery. There are a few times in which they are just a few metres from me! Very cute=)

One last point abt my retreat before I finally end it. Finally! The first time I successfully complete a retreat blogging! Yoo Hoo!!! It is regarding my walking meditation. I din realise it until later into the retreat. I always use walking meditation as "relaxed" time. I mean after one hr of sitting in which my whole body would be aching (esp my legs being in great pain or numb). Walking meditation serves to act as exercise to bring back the blood circulation. This is wrong! As such, my walking mediation has not improved through the years. Well, I'm glad I realise it.

I really look forward to the next retreat but for now, it's show time in the mundane world!;P

Meditation Retreat 2009 (Part II)

The retreat was 14 days and I would not be talking abt my experience every day (as it could be quite personal as well as long=). Instead I would focus on informative and significant events during my retreat.

Santi Forest Monastery adopts a "Sui Yuan" (flexible) schedule though it does had a basic one. You can opt for an intensive meditation retreat coming out just for lunch to just helping out with monastery chores. It depends on the inclination of each individual. For me, I opt for somewhere in between=)

Below was my personal schedule:

4am - Wake Up
4.20 - 6am Meditation
6 - 6.45am Morning Chanting
6.45 - 7.30am Simple Monastery Chores & Breakfast
7.30 - 9.30am Help out with Alms Round
9.30 - 10.30am - Help prepare food collected on Alms Round for lunch or cut fruits
(If I din help out with Alms Round, I would do my meditation)
10.30 - 11.15am - Lunch
11.15 - 12.30pm - Clean Up after Lunch
12.30 - 1pm - Contemplation
1 - 2pm - Rest (short nap)
2 - 3.30pm - Meditation
3.30 - 5pm - Help out Monastery Chores
5 - 5.30pm - Shower
5.30 - 6.45pm - Meditation
7 - 7.45pm - Evening Chanting
7.45 - 9.30pm - Meditation
9.30 - 10pm - Reflection & Penning down
10 - 4am - Rest
* Above sche in terms of timing was approximate.

As compared to my previous retreat, this is considered relaxed but I find that there is a huge advantage. In my previous retreat, I focused on intensive meditation and not much contemplation. Thus I was not able to make full use of "insights" learnt to assist in my everyday life. The sche then was a bit too intensive for someone who did not consistently do his meditation...=P

The retreat this year was very fruitful but it wasn't all smooth sailing. On the second day, I was even saying to myself " What am I doing here?!! I should be at home relaxing and watching TV!!" haha. But I am so glad I went and sticked thru it all=) Above comment obviously shows that I am losing my interest in the cultivation path...

I would say this is the most "luan" (mind all over the place) retreat so far! haha cos even when I reached my fourth day in the monastery, I was still not quite sure what I was here for! Fortunately my good Karma ripened then and I realised that I came here wanting to achieve something... a defilement I brought along with me to the retreat... My main objective should be just cultivation... to train my heart... not WANTING to get anything in return like peace etc. I should let go, not grasp even harder.

I added an additional objective subsequently and that was to bring the benefits from the retreat back with me to my mundane life to help me cope with it better. My real retreat started at that moment but I guess it was a necessary and natural stage I needed to go thru to progress to the next. My friend went back on the 6th day as he got other commitments but at the retreat, we seldom talked to each other too.

I was faced with the similar meditation problems in this retreat. Pain and numbness in my legs which developed to pain on one side of my body. My awareness was running between my breath (which is my meditation object) and the pain. I think I need a Venerable Teacher to guide me but at the same time, I was not sure what should I ask?

During this time, I happened to read a free distribution book titled " The Ultimate Path to Self-Enlightment" in which the author narrated his experience. He just returned from overseas after his PhD and saw a lot of his friends and colleagues going to temples to be obatined temporarily. He thought to himself that surely there must be some benefits from this, if not why are everyone doing this?? He decided to try for himself and tested it like the true scientist he is. It was really amazing. He also experienced pain and numbness during his meditation and he either switched posture or got up to do sitting meditation but after as while, this thought dawned on him: If he kept on doing that, he was not dealing with his defilements! As such, he made a resolve not to get up at all no matter how painful it was! This really inspired me and I decided to do the same... To be cont=)